


The More I know You (The More I want To)

by SpeckledCoffeeCups



Series: If I Said I loved you [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Fluff, I love dad Lin so much I had to, M/M, Mention of Lin as Alex's dad, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Storms, anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 13:13:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7936084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpeckledCoffeeCups/pseuds/SpeckledCoffeeCups
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“We’re going to die.” He sputters pressing his face into Thomas’s shoulder.  He can feel the tears dot his shirt.  He rubs Alex’s shoulders and back, slowly interlacing their fingers.  Alex grips Thomas’s hand like a lifeline.</p><p>“No, we won’t die.  I don’t think fate hates you enough to make me be the last person you see.” Thomas says and Alex laughs, truly laughs. It’s not loud, just a little giggle.</p><p>“God I hope not.  Dying in Jefferson’s arms.” He shoots back.  Thomas chuckles and presses his cheek to Alex’s hair.<br/>___</p><p>Alex panics during a storm, and Jefferson is the one to comfort him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The More I know You (The More I want To)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading I love you guys!  
> Also you don't have to read the first part of the series but It's not a bad idea for background.  
> EDIT: I'm stupid and like half way through I messed up Lafayette's pronouns :( This new version should be completely fixed. Thank you to the lovely reader who pointed it out.

Jefferson has fallen hard for the four of them.  And he was more than aware.  The few times he spent the night he ended curled around Lafayette with Alex’s arm across his waist.  He loved it.

He presses a hand to his neck as he walks up the stairs to his significant other’s apartment. He said boyfriends once before Lafayette pulled him aside and quietly explained they don’t say boyfriend since he’s non-binary.  He apologized profusely and Lafayette smiled and kissed his nose saying his was being dramatic before sitting back on the bathroom sink trying to master their gold eyeliner into a perfect wing. He smiles at the memory before knocking on the door to the apartment.

No response.  He’s not surprised, Washington just assigned a paper and knowing Hamilton he’s probably pushing through the rough draft right now. He pushes the door open and lays his messenger bag on the couch.

“Alex?” He calls.  Nothing. He knows Alex is there, a half pot of hot coffee sits in the kitchen and the dishwasher is running with thirty minutes left and the TV is on. Alex would have turned the TV off if he left.

Thomas walks towards the bedroom and pushes the door open slowly. “Alexander?” A sob is heard from the connecting bathroom.  He knows Alex has anxiety, and he has had depressive episodes before.  The worst filters into his brain; Cold body in the bathtub, dark hair covering the noose as he swings back and forth.

Thomas shakes the thoughts from his head.  No.  It’s probably nothing.  He knocks on the bathroom door and pushes it open slowly.  Alex is sitting on the floor, knees pulled to his chest and his phone discarded on the sink top. It buzzes as another text from their group chat filters in. 

“Alex, hey look at me.” Thomas says kneeling in front of him. Alex shakes his head and mumbles something under his breath.  “Alex.” He repeats touching Alex’s chin.  He’s been careful with Alex and their relationship, trying to let nature bring them together when the time was right. 

“Scared.” Alex mumbles and pulls his chin from Thomas soft fingers.

“What about?” He asks and a soft roll of thunder sounds overhead.  Alex shakes and grips his arms tighter. Thomas jumps as another roll of thunder sounds.  Alex lets out a small sob breaking Thomas’s heart. 

“Hey it’s okay come here.” He says and opens his arms.  Alex shakes his head and shivers. 

“I’m fine.” He says softly.  Thomas sighs and reaches for him anyways.  He knows Alex is a stubborn shit, he’s known him long enough.

“Talk to me.” He says rubbing his knuckles over Alex’s shoulder and bicep. Alex leans into it and swallows, licking his lips.

“Storms. It took away the village.” He says softly and buries his face into the crock of his elbow. Alex’s cell vibrates again, and Jefferson’s goes off with a ringtone.  He grabs it from his back pocket and looks at the ID.  _JLaw._ He answers and cradles the phone between his cheek and shoulder.

“Are you at the apartment?” John asks quickly, panic evident.

“Yeah I’ve got him.” He says and Alex breathes out long and slow.

“Okay, just stay there. Laf and I have another class before we can leave, but Herc should be there in the next forty minutes.” John states.  Thomas nods rubbing Alex’s shoulder slowly. John bids him goodbye and thanks him, before Thomas can truly focus on Alex.

“Hey, Alex.  Talk to me.” Jefferson says sitting to lean against the wall. Alex sucks a breath in.

“My pills are out.  My dad had then sent home on accident.  Been out for a week. Storm set me over.” His sentences are short and chopped, free from the flowery language Thomas is use to.

“Pills? Are you on medication for anxiety?” He asks softly. Alex nods and sucks in a breath, squeezing his eyes shut. His body tenses like he’s going to be hit, and when the thunder rolls Alex reacts like he had been.  Thomas softly grabs his arm and pulls him towards him.  Alex complies, doesn’t make any smart comment. Thomas presses a kiss to his hair without thinking. He just wants to make Alex feel better.  He’s much better with a bickering Alex than this scared one. 

“Hey breathe it’s okay.”

“We’re going to die.” He sputters pressing his face into Thomas’s shoulder.  He can feel the tears dot his shirt.  He rubs Alex’s shoulders and back, slowly interlacing their fingers.  Alex grips Thomas’s hand like a lifeline.

“No, we won’t die.  I don’t think fate hates you enough to make me be the last person you see.” Thomas says and Alex laughs, truly laughs. It’s not loud, just a little giggle.

“God I hope not.  Dying in Jefferson’s arms.” He shoots back.  Thomas chuckles and presses his cheek to Alex’s hair.

“Do you want to get out of the bathroom?” he asks softly.  Alex tenses as another roll of thunder sounds above the apartment, the loudest one so far.

“Not yet.” He says quietly, almost embarrassed. The lights flicker and Alex shouts loudly, digging his hands into Jefferson’s shirt.  Thomas holds Alex tightly, startled himself.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Alex pulls himself into Jefferson’s lap, not ashamed in the slightest. Thomas holds him tightly, a slight blush crawling up his neck as Alex’s heavy breathing hits his neck. 

He’s so scared. 

“Sh, Alex it’s okay.” He says rubbing his back.  Alex shivers continuously in Thomas’s arms.  The lights flicker again and staying out.  Alex sobs into Jefferson’s neck, mumbling incoherent words as the thunder rolls over head.

Jefferson doesn’t know what to do but he knows that he can’t stay on the floor of a bathroom with Alex cutting the circulation in his legs. He gathers Alex into his arms and stands slowly trying not to jostle the boy. He notices how light Alex is and prays he’s been getting enough to eat.  He forgets, Jefferson knew that before he joined the four of them, but it worries him none the less. 

“Don’t wanna leave,” Alex breathes against Thomas’s neck.  Thomas presses a soft, cautious kiss to Alex’s head.

“Just going to the living room.” He says grabbing Alex’s phone and using his own flashlight to lead them there. Alex holds onto Thomas like a koala bear, legs around his waist, and arms around his neck; Thomas holds him with his spare hand and sends a text to the group chat.

 **TJeff:** The power went out…

 **Jlaw:** Shit…

 **Jlaw:** Is Alex okay?

 **HERCULES:** I’m almost done.  How is he?

 **TJeff:** He’s holding onto me like a koala.  Is that normal?

 **Marquis:** Kinda? just hold onto him for us :(

Thomas runs a hand over Alex’s back trying to keep him relatively calm.  He can feel the flutter of eyelashes against his neck and rests his cheek on Alex’s head.

“Did you tell them?” Alex mumbles before thunder strikes again, sending another shiver through his body.  His legs tighten around Thomas’s waist.

“Yeah,” he says softly sitting down on the couch.  Alex doesn’t move from his position and holds on tighter.

“Do you want to talk?” Thomas asks softly.  Alex shrugs pressing his face to Thomas’s shoulder. “Alex it’s okay to be scared.” He says and Alex scoffs.

“Coming from Mr. Perfect-“

“Alex.” Thomas says softly leaning back into the worn fabric of the couch.

“You have it together Thomas.  I know you said we did, but really it was you.” Alex says softly. Thomas holds Alex tightly, laying his cheek on Alex’s, letting his mouth rest at Alex’s ear.

“There’s no way I have it together. I’m anxious about a lot of stuff, my parents are home ever.  I’m trying to figure out life the same as you Hammy.” He breathes out slowly and hugs Alex to him.  He wants to hold him like this forever. He slides to lay down on the couch and continues to hold Alex to him. He doesn’t want to lose this ever. His hands trail over Alex’s back, slowly letting his nails scratch him. Not enough to hurt but enough for Alex to notice the change.

“I was alone in the storm.” He says softly.  Thomas nods, urging him to continue. Alex takes another breath. “I thought I was going to die, and in that moment I was okay with it. Peter was shit.  He treated me like shit.” Alex mumbles the words against Thomas’s neck. 

“Why didn’t you run off?” Thomas asks softly and Alex pushes against Thomas’s shoulder.

“Let me finish.” He proclaims like the old Hamilton. Thomas chuckles and Alex rolls his eyes before settling back into the calm of the moment. “I… I was scared.  I didn’t know better, thought it was okay for someone to hit me like that, thought I was stuck with this life I didn’t want, and it was okay.  I didn’t realize it wasn’t okay until I moved to New York.” He says.  Thomas knows this story.  It was all over the news.

_Talented Immigrant Orphan taken in by Playwright Lin Manuel Miranda._

No one knew who Miranda was then, and even currently he’s still a low key professional. Alex only speaks highly of his father though.

“The first storm in the US scared me to death. Lin thought I was dying. I thought I was, but I was scared.  It took getting me to the US to kill me? Why not on St. Croix?” Alex is mumbling now.  Thomas continues to rub his back, occasionally letting his hand get lost in the dark strands of Alex’s hair. As Thomas makes the third pass in Alex’s hair, Alex stumbles over his words and his eyes slip close.  It takes another couple minutes for him to fall asleep. 

He’s surprised it put him to sleep, considering Alex seems to be unable to complete most basic tasks without reminders. He picks up his phone and sends a text out.

 **Tjeff:** He fell asleep (Thank God)

 **HERCULES:** I’m almost to the apartment where are you two?

 **Tjeff:** On the couch, the power is still out

 **Jlaw:** The power went out at the school too.  I think the transformer blew or something.

 **Jlaw:** Laf and I are on our way home

 **Marquis:** I think I see you Herc, wait for us.

 **HERCULES:** Faster!  It’s pouring out here damn it!

Thomas smiles as he reads the messages.  It takes a few moments before the door opens.  Thomas wrangles his way out of Alex’s grasp and sits up. He shushes them automatically, wanting Alex to sleep through the rest of the storm. John smiles as he disappears to the bedroom, changing out of his binder to different clothes. 

“Mon cher, he’s so cute when asleep.” Lafayette coos.  Hercules smirks and crosses his arms as he peers over the edge of the couch. 

“Was he okay?” John asks slipping back into the living. A tight sports bra is on his torso and only that.

“Yeah.  I mean as okay as he could be.” Thomas says.  John sits next to Alex’s head and cards his fingers through Alex’s hair before taking his hand and pressing a kiss to the knuckles.

“Let’s get to bed. You should spend the night Thomas, it’s nasty out there.” Hercules says tugging his shirt off and tossing it towards the laundry basket in the corner.  He curses when it falls short. 

Lafayette reaches to pull Alex into their arms, but Thomas beats him to it.

“I’ve got him.” He says softly, but firmly.  Lafayette meets his eyes for a moment before nodding and taking John’s hand.

“Come mon cher.  I’m tired.” Laf says dragging a knuckle across their eyes, smearing their eyeliner.  They doesn’t care about it now, they can fix it in the morning. Thomas lays Alex on the bed and lets John take care of changing Alex into night clothes.  He takes Lafayette’s sweat pants, and pulls them over his briefs before falling into the bed behind Alex on the edge. He’s learned Alex needs to be in the middle, or else he rolls off the bed. 

He wants to learn more.  Lafayette reaches over Alex and John and presses a kiss to Thomas’s forehead then cheek.

“Good night mon cher.”

He presses his own kiss to the Laf’s cheek.

“Goodnight.” He presses his cheek to Alex’s head and mumbles against his shoulder. “Goodnight.”

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr at weehawken-dawngunsdrawn


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